Masturbation and Sex Addiction

Can I masturbate to porn or porn fantasy in recovery?

It’s a great and very often asked question and though some may wish a quick a simple direct answer, the following I hope explains why this needs the support it does rather than direction which isn’t based on the uniqueness of each individuals circumstance history and needs.

Masturbation and Sex Addiction: When Does It Become a Problem?

Is it possible for masturbation to become problematic—especially for someone struggling with sex addiction? Absolutely. While masturbation is a normal human behaviour, for some individuals it can evolve into a compulsive act which interferes with emotional intimacy and connection, particularly within committed relationships.

When masturbation becomes a chronic coping mechanism used to avoid painful or uncomfortable emotions, it begins to take the place of healthy relational intimacy. Just as someone might compulsively overeat ice cream to escape emotional distress, masturbation can serve a similar self-soothing purpose. In both cases, the behaviour becomes problematic not because of the act itself, but because of its compulsive nature and the role it plays in avoiding emotional reality.

Why Masturbation Can Be Off-Limits in Recovery

There’s no one-size-fits-all recommendation when it comes to treating sex addiction, but for many individuals, abstaining from masturbation can be at one point in the recovery, an important part of process. That’s because masturbation often became the central way of regulating emotions—avoiding vulnerability, rejection, or the effort required for emotional and sexual intimacy with a partner.

Why risk being turned down or facing the responsibilities when one can achieve orgasm on demand through fantasy or pornography? For many, this self-contained, fantasy-driven behaviour became the foundation for further, possibly, destructive sexual choices. often leading to actions violating values or monogamous commitments.

Not every individual is addicted to masturbation, and not all masturbation is harmful. However, for those who compulsively use it in ways that erode intimacy or lead to betrayal as in using secretively dating apps which on discovery cause a rupture in the prime relationship, treatment and support are essential.

Masturbation as a Trigger for Acting Out

In some cases, masturbation wasn’t the betrayal itself—but the fantasies accompanying it triggered sexual acting out with others. This led to broken vows and violations of trust in relationships that were not consensually open. For these individuals, masturbation served as a rehearsal for infidelity and compulsive sexual behaviours. In their recovery, abstaining from masturbation became necessary to break this destructive cycle.

Masturbation in Recovery: Individualized Approaches

In recovery, I explore with you where masturbation is as a behaviour within the two-circle exercise. Often it is thought to be iffy or not OK, where it is avoided entirely, or at least initially. What is key here is the hijacked pathways of fantasy induced through porn and not though real life experiences. Even writing this, there is never ever a one size fits all approach and as always, , we work ethically together to find what is helpful at this moment. Nothing is ever prescriptive

Masturbation is never a forbidden behaviour. If masturbation didn’t contribute to emotional disconnection or compulsive sexual acting out, it will be in the OK part of the two-circle exercise. Again, recovery isn’t one-size-fits-all.

Still, in early recovery, most individuals benefit from a period of learning from not. This helps strengthen impulse control and encourages the development of healthier strategies for emotional regulation and intimacy. For some, solo sexual activity always carries the risk of slipping back into problematic patterns and may need to remain off-limits long term.

It is a journey of discovery and as always, honest feedback. Develop this through intra personal honesty e.g. honesty with self through journaling and inter personal honesty , honesty with me your therapist

Key Considerations for Addicts in Recovery Regarding Masturbation:

• Has masturbation been used as an emotional escape?
• Does it interfere with intimacy in relationships?
• Does it involve fantasy or pornography that fuels acting out?
• Is it compulsive or physically harmful?
• Can it be reintroduced safely, with accountability?

Recovery requires honesty, self-awareness, and support. For those dealing with compulsive sexual behaviour, masturbation may need to be carefully evaluated and possibly paused—at least until new patterns of emotional health and intimacy are firmly established

Ian Baker
Member of The British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (BACP),
The College of Sexual and Relational Therapists (COSRT),
The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH).
Member of Association for the Treatment of Sexual addiction and Compulsivity (ATSAC)
Member of Specialist Treatment Organisation for the Prevention of Sexual Offending (STOPSO)

For Further information about my qualifications and accreditations see here